Marriage = Intimacy – Part II

*Remember this post is written for adult and mature readers.*

image credit bridalexpress via *bing.com

I pray you read part I before continuing on.  Please take the time to read that post first. 

Before we begin tonight – this is my prayer for you:  Ephesians 1:17-19

that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of Him.

I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe.

Much has happened in my life in just the last four days.  Some of which I am unable to share just yet, however, please be praying for our family as we walk through this next valley set before us.  We covet your prayers.   Amazing how one week can pass and everything can change.   Never take a moment of your life for granted friends.  Tomorrow is not promised.   Live each day like it may be your last, all for the glory of God and I trust you will never regret a moment of it!

God has impressed upon me to share openly with you about the journey I have personally gone through the last year.   A journey I know is not unique nor particularly different than the one many of you are on right now.   Different circumstances sure, but the path before you is the same.   The questions God is asking each of us are the same too.

Will you humble yourself and do it My way?  

Will you give Me your full heart, mind (soul) and body?

Will you allow Me to once again be the center of your marriage, life and home?

Will you honor your marriage vows and live out the truths I have set before you in them?

Will you trust Me to do what I have promised?

Will you lay down your need to be right and forgive, as I have forgiven you?

These are the questions He asked me many times the last year or so.   I heard Him asking me them before but I was not ready to answer.   I was still fighting Him in areas where I wanted and needed control.   I was still holding onto who I was before Him and listening to the lies I so believed about myself that I could not hear the soft whisper of His love for me.  Nor did I believe it when I did.  

I mentioned several times that I read the book Shame Lifter by Marilyn Hontz and how much of an effect that book had on my life, my walk with God and ultimately our marriage.    You see I learned that I was the best liar I ever met.   I lied better than anyone ever could or had to me.   I lied so much that I didn’t even know I lied this often.  I lied so much that the truth was unable to be heard and when I heard it, it never made it past my head.   Sometimes it went in one ear and out the other.  

The voice I heard was the one the enemy of my soul wanted to ensure I would louder than any other.   Not to mention repeat the lies over and over again.  So often that nothing else would matter.   Have you ever heard that if you say one really nasty thing to a child – it takes 20 nice things to undo that one mean thing?  It is true.   

Well, imagine that I have been lying to myself for over 37 years and all those lies have finally caught up with me and needed to be stopped.   It took me reading this book for God to clearly show me that I was my worst enemy.   Not “the” enemy.  I was my worst enemy.   Sure the enemy was happy to see me destroy myself.  He didn’t have to really bother me, because I did such a good job of it all by myself.   He didn’t even have to medal in our marriage because I was doing a good job of destroying that too.   (No need to tell me this isn’t true or that there is no condemnation in Christ.   This is neither false or me beating myself up.  This is a sad reality that was slowly taking over our marriage and eventually would eat up our home if I didn’t allow God’s truth to win control of my mind and body.)

I made the choice one day to stop believing the lies.  I made the choice to no longer be my greatest critic.  I made the choice to be conscious of my every thought when I felt bad after being with others, a conversation with Scott or how often I told myself mean things.  I was in shock how often I ridiculed myself.  I couldn’t believe how many times a day I said mean things to myself.  I was hurting any chance to feel peace, joy, and most importantly love.

How could I ever be intimate with God or Scott, if all I did each day was tell myself how unworthy I was of their love?  

How could I ever allow either of them to be truly close to me and give my heart completely to them if I refused to believe in them and trust in their love for me?

I had a choice to make. 

I could either believe the lies I was telling myself since I was a little girl.  Which means I’m calling God a liar and being pretty prideful saying I know more about myself then He does.

Or I could believe the truth which will set me free from the bondage of those lies. 

The choice is mine. {and yours}

You see the battle is not for my heart.  God has won that.  It is finished.  But the battle of my mind will go on until the day He calls me home.   The only way to have victory of the mind is to literally make a daily choice to live out Romans 12:1-2.   Renew my mind by reading His word.   Fill my mind with His truths.   Speak His truth over our home, children, marriage, and everything that God brings us to.    I must meditate upon His word – day and night.   Think about what He is saying to me through His word and then do what it is telling me.   Obedience brings peace.   Not works.   But obedience.   Obedience means loving God more than I love anything and everyone.    Obedience means that I will humbly submit to God.   Obedience is an act of love. 

How do I act out my obedience? 

By doing what He asks of me.   Crazy simple right?   Duh!  Right? 

Then why is that simple act so difficult for us?  

Why? Because our flesh wants what it wants when it wants it and fights against the spiritual truths of God.

BUT GOD!  

Romans 15:13 has become a favorite verse of mine as I embarked on this journey of obedience this year, and trusting God no matter the cost. 

“Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

You see I began to understand that I didn’t have to do a thing.  That it would be all God doing the work in me as I continually rested in His faithfulness and believed in all of His promises.   Sure, I had to commit my mind, heart and life to Him.  But that was all He asks. 

He simply asks us to believe.  

Because we believe, we will obey Him. 

Because we believe, we will submit to Him.

Because we believe, we will love Him.

Because we believe, we will live from His love and not for it.

Because we believe, we will love others before ourselves.

Because we believe, we will love our spouse and do all that we can to ensure they see in us the love of Christ for them.

Because we believe, we will desire to walk out 1 Corinthians 13 in our marriage.

If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.

And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away.

For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away.

When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.

For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.

Two years ago someone shared this verse with Jesus’ name before every part of love is and asked the following question, “How many of those could you honestly put your name in front of?”    Sadly I could not put mine in front of more than a few.  God never let me forget that question or how it felt to read Jesus’ name before each character trait.  

Can I do any of them perfect in my own strength?   OF COURSE NOT!

But can I do them by the power and love of the Holy Spirit?  ABSOLUTELY 100%!

There is so much to share on this topic and I will be sharing my thoughts and lessons when I can over the next couple of weeks. 

Let me leave you with this thought tonight. 

No matter what state your marriage is in, whether your spouse is a believer or not, whether you sinned against him or him against you, God is able to do exceedingly great and wonderful things that will blow your mind and bless your socks off.   He will do them because He loves you and His desire is to shower you with His love. 

His desire is for your marriage to glorify Him and that can only happen when we stop telling ourselves anything other than His truth about who we are in Christ, how much we mean to Him and then choosing to walk by grace in faith each day empowered by His Spirit.  

It is nothing short of a miracle that our marriage is becoming such a reflection of Christ.   We have both come a long way and together we learned what it looks like to allow the other to put our flesh to death – so that JESUS could be what lives in us and through us.   I can’t thank God enough for giving me Scott and helping him walk beside me and in front of me as I slowly learned what it meant to be a godly wife.   A wife that empowers her husband to face the world and feel safe to be exactly who God has created him to be.   I have so much yet to learn, however, I can honestly say that I am the crown upon my husbands head each day.   And for that I thank God who continues to do a good work in me and will not finish until the day of Christ Jesus.  

If you want a better marriage, fall madly in love with Jesus.  Then watch what He will do in your heart, and life!    If you want a better marriage, seek to be the hands and feet of Jesus to your spouse.  

As the photo states above – a marriage is two who become one.  A marriage will never make it with one looking out for only one. 

Know that I’m praying for each of you tonight.   Praying for God’s love to overcome you and cause you to set aside your plans for His.   They are good my friends.  They are good!

By the way, I have chosen to believe God.  When I stumble and begin to listen to the lies I so quickly revert to tell myself His voice which I hear loud and clear now wins every time…His love over takes me and I am eternally grateful for the peace that surpasses all understanding!

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